Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
