mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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