You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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