You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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