Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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