She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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