so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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