Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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