Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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