Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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