I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
