i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
