Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
