i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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