I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
