if you like me you must not know who I am
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
