either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
