It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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