I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's blow job season.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
