please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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