Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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