Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you made out with another girl for some wings
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
