i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
