Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
nutella sex= disaster
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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