i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
