im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My hand turned me down
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The Olympian is in my bed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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