You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
