I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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