Michael Bay diarrhea
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
