How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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