if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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