they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
