I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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