so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
