I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
