Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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