I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sext me about skeletons
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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