I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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