Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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