I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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