remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
