I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
