I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
