someone get that fucking seahorse.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
