i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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