"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
