Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
40s are totally the cure
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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