Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have fence marks all over my body
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
