im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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