i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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