I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
two words...techno handjob
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
