just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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